I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
