Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
