Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
