this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
