Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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