walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
