if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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