You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
