Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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