I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
