I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
