your thong is hanging out like whoa
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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