she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
