BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm bleeding and have questions
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
