No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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