Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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