dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i think i have herpe
just one?
He kissed a someone with a penis
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Two words: blizzard sex
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
