Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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