no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just invented taco cereal.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
