i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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