That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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