(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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