Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
