either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
