i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
