I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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