What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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