My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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