Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
