Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
