We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
