Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
