At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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