And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
