I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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