Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
