I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize