so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize