I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I need a beard to bite.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
