i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
