Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's rum buckets o'clock
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
