Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
