$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
