She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
