So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
