she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
