..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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