We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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