I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
