No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
