after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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