I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
