My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
