I will die if light touches me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
