That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
