Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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