someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
