There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
