i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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