You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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