I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
