The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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