C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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