So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
