Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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