i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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