Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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