i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
