I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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