its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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